I Don’t Regret My Neck!

Inevitably, in a self discovery process like a style quest, doors open revealing aspects of yourself you didn’t know about. This happens whenever I enter new territory and encounter a part of myself fixed in time, at age ten, thirteen or twenty one, whenever it was that a part of myself got lost.

In searching for character, the one I might bring out in developing a personal style composed of both character and aesthetic, I discovered an animal menagerie of sorts, including a timid little mouse who wants to be liked and is easily intimidated. On the look out for danger, she’s ready to scurry for cover at the slightest perceived threat.

For example, in observing the style of others, if my eyes read “confidence, power and perhaps distance” the mouse, ever diligent, looks to the face and listens to the voice for other clues. The clues tell the mouse whether the person intends to intimidate or is just dressing that way for reasons the mouse does not understand!

Along the same lines, as I explore this strange land of style, I’ve been sensitive to fashion input, especially from women with a fully developed sense of their own personal style. I recently considered a very-well-intentioned observation that a woman of a certain age might draw attention away from her neck using big jewelry. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the idea of illusions and plan to exploit the long-over-lean illusion. But this particular thought, of hiding the neck, troubled me to the point of reconsidering wearing a beautiful new pendant, pictured below.

I don’t like chunky jewelry and can’t imagine it around my neck. See the astonished expression on my face above. (Wendy B referred to a “collar of bananas” as a way of illustrating how heavy big jewelry can feel, especially in the wrong context, like wearing it when you’re playing with a baby.)

Here’s the Wendy Brandes pendant looking very lovely.

And here it is in real life.

The mouse and I are in dialogue.

Miss mouse tells me her version of how to interpret and engage in the social construct called fashion, and I am actively reinterpreting these readings from a place of empowerment I do not always feel is mine but understand that I must nevertheless claim for myself.

Speaking from this reclaimed place of empowerment, I want to go on record saying that I don’t regret my neck. Take that Nora Ephron!

Wearing my hand-hemmed multi-colored scarf and lotus pendant, I took my empowered frame of mind out to the San Francisco neighborhood I lived in briefly when Martin and I were first dating. I walked confidently and received many smiles which I returned.

Before heading off to the city, I’d seen this inspiring, mind expanding video Martin sent me a link to.

Aimee has up-ended the entire concept of fashion.

It’s possible, from a place of empowerment, to create beauty from the lost parts of ourselves, such as legs, youth and identity roles that have run their course.

In this context, I prefer not to hide my neck but to adorn it according to my aesthetic.

That doesn’t mean I judge big jewelry on others! Coming from a place of empowerment, I can respect and appreciate the empowerment of others and how it is expressed in their own style.

After several months of the style quest, my eyes take in what people are wearing, and my brain and heart decode the visual messages, hopefully with increasing accuracy. I see a lot of self neglect out there. But a style quest isn’t for everyone — it’s been unnerving at times taking an honest look at myself.

In fact I need a break from all of this processing, and have so many sewing projects needing attention, hence don’t plan to blog again for a few weeks.

In closing though, I’m pleased to share the work of a local artist Cheryl de los Reyes Cruz. She recently traveled to Buenos Aires and painted this watercolor attending a tango concert at 36 Billares. Cheryl told me, “the coffee, of course, was fabulous there. And the singer’s voice was high, smooth and really beautiful.” You can visit her blog here.

Cheryl’s own photo has more detail — I’ll ask for permission to post it here.

Update: Here is Cheryl’s photo with her permission.

See you in a few weeks!